Trying to keep my sanity – K.B

Trying to keep my sanity

 
Trying to keep my sanity
With all that’s going on,
How come we don’t
Speak of ourselves no more?

At one point, we take so many
Hits that we fall.

At one point, I’m so scarred
That I live in fear and paranoia..

All of that happens in a day
Without any direction :
Demon burns, theophany,
Ill minded neighboor,
Renegade mother,
So called good willing
Friends.

In all honesty,
I ask myself :
Maybe I’m the problem.

Then I dwell on my ex’s
Potential toxicomania
Ending abruptly our love,
Then I wonder about human
Nature and I see a black picture.

Then, I advise myself to hide
My flame to not alert
Anyone nor anything..

In my quest of meaning
And of universal love,
I destroy and rebuild
Constantly,
Maybe that’s the way
Things are supposed to be :
Nothing is ever acquired,
Nor a mother’s love,
Nor a friend’s loyalty,
Nor a father’s tenderness,
Nor a friend’s free service,
Nor a lover’s total transparency.

Thus, I often find refuge in Allah.
But his name is such a source
Of trouble since 9/11.

What is true, what is real?
Is our era so cynical
That anything beautiful
Will be taken advantage of?

Will I wear veil on the streets?

The only one who truly helped
Is Allah.

But one has to face so many troubles
To praise Him,
If only he made it easier,
And if only people didn’t assimilate
Religious fervor to madness…

Those two aside,
Allah is beautiful and loves
Beauty.

Lastly, crows assembled next
To my house, i can hear them
As in understanding their obscene odes.

I listen to songbirds too,
I talk to animals,
I can see the light.

I know what the shrinks
Say,
But I’ve never felt naturally so good
In my entire life.

I’m balanced and learning quick.

Allah always ends by heightening
My prestige.

I guess this so far hostile world
Is getting at me, hostile coz it
Steals your kindness.

A man of the world would say :
That is how it is. If you want to make
A living, you can’t escape.

A shrink would say insanities
About the hostile perspective.

Allah says : « We created you to struggle
For life ». Adding : « Fear the Lord above all »
And « Don’t forget your share in this world »
And : « Don’t let your wordly life distract you from the memory of Allah ».

And the one I like above all,
Is the latter.

I hope he will have the last
Word about this infidel
Mascarade.

When I will have recovered
My spirits, my mind, I will
Be ready to serve again.

 » And will you compare
A believer to a non believer? »

Amin.

K. B

All rights reserved.2020.

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